In a brave or not-so-brave attempt to revive this once glorious community, I introduce you to another huge, fat Sue of which you might not have heard as of yet, because she is the protagonist of a German children's/YA fantasy series which is itself a huge, fat Harry Potter ripoff. Pray this one will never be translated into English. It's toxic. What is listed below is not even all I wanted and could say about her and the series as a whole (which goes hand in hand).
Title of Work: Laura-Series (Laura und das Geheimnis von Aventerra/Laura and the Secret of Aventerra being the first volume)
Author: Peter Freund
Full Name, including titles: Laura Leander, Child of the Bright Light
Full Species: Human
Hair Colour: Long, blonde hair like a veil of silk or something corny like that
Eye Colour: Beautiful blue eyes
Unusual Markings/Colourations: None
Special Possessions/Pets: A magical golden pendant shaped like a wheel, some stupid magical singing, rhyming, talking mist, a magical sword called Hellenglanz, or “Brightshine”, a big flock of dei ex machinae
Annoying Sidekicks: Her rather dumb redhead friend and her know-it-all friend. No, I'm not talking about Harry Potter. The redhead is fat and always thinks of chocolate (and female), and, in fairness, the know-it-all is her younger brother.
Annoying Origin: She was born under the Sign of the Thirteen, which gives her Sewper Speshyl Meggik abilities. Her mother is dead (Or so the books would like you to believe at first) and her father is held captive by the Foarces of Ebul. Yeah, never heard that one before.
Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: She basically is the story. The older and wiser characters like her school's principal , Albus Dum... eh, I mean, Aurelius Morgenstern (translates to “Morningstar”), or her magic teachers, are there just so they can believe in her and rely on her and be proven oh so wrong!, so Super!Laura can save the day and there is a plot at all. She is the Chosen One with quite the prophecy 'n' stuff, and everybody is all about just how ohmygosh SPESHUL she is despite her never doing anything of importance with her Mad Skillz of Light, but finding a loophole or a deus ex machina at the end of each book. As a German myself, I may not have the right to say this, but my best guess is that she is the invention of a Nazi war criminal going by the pen name of Peter Freund. *tries hard not to make a stupid 'Aryan' joke*
Annoying Special Abilities: She has the gift of time travel, telekinesis, and reading minds, as well as another huge flock of dei ex machinae. She is also an expert fencer at age thirteen, as well as an expert rider, and she has the Power of Light and is the Child of the Bright Light.
Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: Where even to start?! The whole series is just such a blatant Harry Potter ripoff. I mean, just look at the covers. The characters are similar, the school bullies very much resemble Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and Dudley, the old castle boarding school thingie they attend is called Ravenstein and has a teacher the students call Schnuffelpuff due to is extensive sneezing and breathing problems (Yea, they're sensitive like that), the principal very much resembles Dumbledore, what with his wise old man with silver beard behaviour, and even dying in the penultimate book, the groundskeeper is basically Hagrid, the gardener is basically Filch, including cat, the evil maths teacher is basically Snape, there are moving pictures and portraits and suits of armor there as well as loots of secret chambers and floors and all. Laura's only living nice relative (her father) is a black haired man innocently held prisoner in a Dark And Evil Fortress. His name, by the way, is Marius, which is not a very subtle way of saying “not quite Sirius”. I think of writing to J.K. Rowling so she can sue Peter Freund... hehe... serious... Sue... Look what I did there I3
Harry Potter is not the only thing ripped off in this thing, though. Laura's abilities in fencing and riding are described in a manner eerily similar to Tamora Pierce's Alanna. The Neverending Story also, uhm, served as an inspiration in that all the creatures from Aventerra are sort of funny and cutesy and stuff, and the parts of the book on normal Earth are green or black, the parts in the magical realm of Aventerra are red. Unavoidably, the Lord of the Rings also got copied. Laura is a huge LotR and Harry Potter fan, of course, and in her room hangs a movie poster of Frodo with “big brown eyes”, strangely. All this true heir stuff going on in Aventerra's Hhelmland [sic; if anyone has a clue how to pronounce that, please write me a mail] is strangely Gondor-ish, with the Aragorn-ish character winning, and marrying his sweetheart Morwena afterwards. There is even an Auenland, as the Shire is called in German. Srsly.
Aaaalso, everybody fat/meager and ugly (and especially dark haired/bald, and non-human) is evil, everybody beautiful (and especially blonde and blue eyed) is good. What a nice standard, especially for a German book, no? There is nothing like unfortunate implications about that at all. The author seems to believe being an expert with the rapier also makes you an expert with the broadsword. Uh, no. He also has no idea of horses. Laura's horse Sturmwind (“Stormwind”) is a stallion, not a gelding, who was given to her at age ten. This, and the way she treats him, like leading him in his box after a long gallop through winter, without drying him, and then telling him she won't be able to see him for a week or so, would mean in real life that both should be dead by now.
Laura's mother is left for dead, but of course turns out not to be dead at all. Instead, she is rescued in the fifth book (of seven, btw), and braaaave Laura gives away all her SPESHUL Skillz and her memories of her adventures away for being with her, so they can get the perfectly happy Barbie family living in a furniture store, which leads to her having a huge identity crisis in the following book, but not due to not remembering what happened in the past year. Actually, she is not worried at all by this, but she is just being a huge bitch at everyone, neglects her horse because it stinks, and behaves like a general dick. Still, when her parents and her magical teachers have a conference just about her, they're all “Oh, pooooor Laura, what she's going trough! She cannot remember being a Mary Sue, ye gawds, is this ever so tragic! Poor, poor girl, give her a break, it's all not her fault!” Of course, she then unsurprisingly gains her abilities back and saves the day again.
Most of the bad guys are incredibly dumb and therefore boring and cannot think of a plan worth a fuck, and everybody but Laura are mere cardboard cutouts. Not that she were anything different from a cardboard cutout, she is just well decorated cardboard while all the others were left plain. They're all just there to be wrong and sorta stupid and to let Laura shine more brightly in her attention whore Mary Sue spotlight. The language of the book is very childish, also, there are very immature puns on people's names (Like a classmate of Laura's, called Max Finkensturz, bearing the nickname of Stinkefurz, or “stinky fart”, and a secretary named Mrs Priese-Stein called Pieselstein, or “piss stone”), and then again, the author clearly wants to sound impressive and “epic” and uses archaic words. The books have plot holes the size of the Soviet Union.
The author also promoted the first book in a rather unethical way by claiming on his website to give an autograph to everyone who wrote a review for the book and sending him the link. He claimed it to be ethical due to the fact that he never asked for a review in favour of his book. Er, yeah, I totally see that. Funny thing is, the average rating of the hardcover is quite fine, but when a new paperback edition came out, it dropped. Hard. Because not everyone is a moron, Peter Freund.
Is there any reason at all for this little shining bitch to exist?!
Redeeming Qualities: Naught. ...uhm, well, I could see some twelve-year-olds in dire search of something similar after reading Harry Potter like this one.
Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:
I do not own any of the books. Of course, I could fetch one from the library and translate a piece out of it, but after reading all of the above, is it really necessary? EDIT There is a English excerpt on the author's homepage, for some reason. I haven't read it all, so I cannot tell for sure just how Sueish Laura acts in it, but have it here.