Title of Work: Smallville
Full Name, including titles: Lana Lang
Full Species(es): Homo Sapiens
Hair Colour (include adjectives): raven-coloured and perfectly straight
Eye Colour: hazel
Unusual Markings/Colourations: exotic looking appearance thanks to part chinese heritage. She is constantly dressed in and made up in pink like a doll.
Special Possessions/Pets: a bright green necklece, that she never removes, made from the meteor that killed her parents, her beloved horses
Annoying Sidekicks: An annoying jock of a boyfriend who glares at anyone who so much as looks at Lana the wrong way, Clark may as well be her sidekick the way he follows her around.
Lana, as she mentions far too many times for any drinking game over the course of the series, was orphaned as a little girl when her parents were hit by a meteor. To this day she supposedly hasn't been able to escape the image of her younger self dressed as a fairy princess on the front of TIME magazine. Her Aunt Nell brought her up instead and she grew up to be one of the two smartest girls in school, a cheerleader and Prom Queen while dating the Captain of the Football Team. Now she talks to her dead parents at their grave in the middle of the night after a ride through the spooky woods. Yup, she's a smart one our Lana.
As it turns out her father is not her real father though and Lana tracks down Mr. Henry Small. Apparently he's not reliable when it comes to family and yet when Lana appears in his life she is, according to his wife, all he talks about. Lana wins over another man.
When Nell leaves town Lana is left without a place but Chloe, who doesn't even particularly like her, jumps in and offers her a place to stay and Lana charms over Chloe to be like a sister to her.
Annoying Way of Ruining the Story:
The back and forth of her relationship and not relationship with Clark. There's always the get together and the next thing you know she's lecturing him about the importance of being truthful and they're broken up, only to begin the whole cycle all over again after the freak of the week/boyfriend dies or has something wrong with him.
She serves as a permanent wedge between A) Chloe (also known as beta-Veronica Mars) or any other girl Clark attempts to be with and himself B) Clark and his eventual Superman destiny.
She's perfect, everyone falls in love with her and she can do no wrong.
She's more an object than a person and seems to take on a Helen of Troy role without the interesting parts.
Lana is the ultimate damsel in distress who must be rescued by her knight in shining armor Clark, who leaves the prom and his date in order to go save Lana and who rewinds a day in which she dies and instead loses his father.
Annoying Special Abilities:
A strange ability to make every guy in Smallville fall under her spell. Whitney, Clark and Lex all fall under the Lana spell but so too do any freaks of the week who happen to pop up including; Greg the bug boy, Byron her secret admirer and her boyfriends (who tend to meet tragic ends)Adam and Jason. Yet even girls fall to the magnetic power of The Lana. Tina the shapeshifter tries to take over her perfect life and become Lana.
Lana gets a boost as she turns out to have witch heritage from a French Countess Isabelle Thoreau and gets possessed by the spirit of her ancestor who casts spells through her.
She develops martial art abilities out of no where, leading to her fan nickname of "The Pink Ranger".
Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist:
She's put on a pedestal through the whole series. Lana is the character that can do no wrong and is the ideal that everyone strives towards but she becomes so objectified that she's hardly even a person anymore and the viewer wonders why everyone is so attracted to her majesty Lana when she has no appealing personality whatsoever. When she's not be adored she's being rescued. I didn't know it was possible to be the damsel in distress so often. She insists she doesn't want to remember it yet brings up the death of her parents in every episode as though she's the only orphan around although others on the show also lack one or more parents and have worse home lives and problems to deal with. Lana even rescues the old movie theatre where her parents met and converts it into the local hangout in town, "The Talon" which becomes incredibly popular of course because it's owned by Lana and she can do no wrong. When she gains some independence after returning to Smallville from Paris this is promptly disregarded as she instead gets possessed by an "evil slut" of a witch who is her ancestor and casts a whole bunch of spells...I guess it was the only way the writers could justify to themselves a black-wearing Lana. Not to mention that by now everyone must be sick of the back and forth Lana and Clark relationship which doesn't have the effective 'eternal stargazing' element to it that makes the viewer care. They're no Buffy and Angel (or heck even Liz and Max of Roswell).
- Supposedly there are people out there who ship Clark/Lana. I have yet to meet one such person.
- If Lana wasn't around who would Clark spend half the season rescuing and angsting over?
- Bad ass Lana in Nicodemus is slightly more fun
- Occasionally she gets to wear a colour other than pink and declares her independance...usually before she is once again put in trouble and rescued by Clark.
Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:
(how about other characters affirming her sueness through their quotes?)
Lana: It's just that sometimes I, um... I feel like you've created this perfect picture of who I am.
Clark: That's what I see.
Lana: This might sound silly... but I have this fear that-- that one day you'll finally get a good look at me and... I'm going to disappoint you. That you'll see that I'm not as strong or as good as you think I am. And I'm afraid that it'll change the way you feel about me.
Clark: Nothing could ever do that.
>> Clark, and everyone else in Smallville, clearly view Lana to be perfect.
Lana: For so long, it seemed to define me, that fairy princess picture on "Time" magazine.
Martha: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you made one wish come true that day. Jonathan and I were in Nell's buying flowers right before the meteor shower, and you were sitting on the counter with your wings and wand, and you asked me if I wanted to make a wish. So I did. And not long after that, Clark came into our lives. I-I've never even told Clark that story.
>> Martha's wish turns out to be for a child of her own and then Clark pops up and Martha partially attributes this to fairy princess Lana