laura_colette9 (laura_colette9) wrote in canon_sues,

Gwen Stacy

CANON SUE: Gwen Stacy, Spider-Man Comics

FULL NAME: Gwendolyne Maxine Stacy
FULL SPECIES: Homo sapien
HAIR COLOR (WITH ADJECTIVES) Thick wavy platinum blonde with black headband
EYE COLOR: Sparkling blue!
UNUSUAL MARKINGS/COLORS: Very white girl, usually wears red
ANNOYING SIDEKICKS: Pretty much every man in the comics at the time falls for her at some point, so they could count.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: Gwen is the daughter of police Captain George Stacy. She's rich and popular and pretty and always gets her way. She goes to Empire State University, she's friends with the rich Osborn family and she's a Science major (although we never see her doing anything scientific). Her dad eventually dies, and she blames Spider-Man for it (because of course she does).
ANNOYING WAY OF RUINING THE STORY: Gwen is the love interest, but she's very boring and very much getting shilled all the time. In pretty much every issue somebody calls her either "beautiful", "amazing", "perfect" or some synonym thereof. Take a shot every time you read the Romita Spider-Man comics and the characters refer to her as such. She gets all the boys, and the more interesting female characters like Mary Jane and Betty Brant get pushed aside so she can hog all the spotlight. Hell, all the more interesting characters get shoved to the side so that Gwen can be the main supporting character. Flash, Harry, J JOnah Jameson, Joe Robertson, Norman Osborn, the Connors family, Captain George Stacy - pretty much all the characters are shoved aside so that Gorgeous Gwendolyne (yeah, seriously, they call her that in the narrative) can take focus and have all the screentime. Peter spends all of his time they're together trying to please her and brooding over how he's hurt his chances with little miss perfect.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: Not really any; she's mostly a damsel in distress who gets kidnapped all the time and has to be rescued. She doesn't have any special powers.
MISCELLANEOUS REASONS THIS SUE SHOULD NOT EXIST: Most of Peter's other love interests and supporting women are at least a little interesting. Mary Jane is cheerful and optimistic but uses it to cover up her hard home life; Felicia Hardy is a troubled thief who kicks ass as a superhero; Betty Brant has a dark and troubled past and had to give up her life to support her family; Liz Allan is a smart and nice girl with a brother who's a supervillain, who marries Harry Osborn and becomes a strong leader of Oscorp. Gwen is not that interesting, and yet she's always getting pushed by adaptations and by the original comics as some sort of perfect saint. There are so many more interesting characters to like in the Spider-Man comics, why focus so much on this bland Mary Sue?
REDEEMING QUALITIES: Well, she dies, so people don't say bad things about her. She's supposedly a science major, though we don't see much of that.
I feel I need to put extra proof in here, since Gwen has so many fans nowadays. So here we go: Every example from the books I can find of someone calling Gwen some synonym for "beautiful", "amazing" or "Perfect."

AMAZING SPIDERMAN #31 HARRY OSBORN: And this little lady (Gwen) is the former Beauty Queen of Standard high, as if you couldn't tell!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #34 PETER PARKER: That Gwen is a knockout! If only...ah, what's the use?
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #36 PETER PARKER: How can someone so pretty be such a nut?
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #41 GWEN: A knockout, Pete. PETER: (thinking) Just like you are, Gwendolyne! Was I ever so wrapped up in Betty that I couldn't see this living pin-up under my nose? Something tells me my luck is about to change! Those eyes! Those lips! She's too much!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #42 FLASH: Don't tell me Parker puts you on, Gwen! Not a chick like you!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #45 PETER: I guess there's something about Gwen that just grabs me! (yeah, Pete, don't specify what. Guess its cause she's so speshul.)
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #46 PETER: (thinking) It's Gwen! I didn't recognize her at first! Look at her go! But why am I surprised? I never figured her for the wall flower type! MARY JANE (her rival, mind you) Hmm, Gwen's not bad, dad!
PETER (thinking) Gwen never looked more gorgeous!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #47 RANDOM GUY: Don't worry, Gwen, if you're tossing the party we'll be there!
PETER: Has anyone ever told you that you get prettier every day?
HARRY: Gwen! If...if I'd known you'd look like that I'd have gotten here sooner!
PETER: With Gwen sending me into orbit whenever I looke at her..
MARY JANE: Gwen! Did you really arrange the decorations? They're just out of sight!
HARRY: Say, Pretty girl, are we gonna let Pete and MJ hog all teh spotlight?
RANDOM PATRONS: Look at Gwen go! Wowee, if we could package that we'd be rich!
PETER: That's the gal I never had time to date!
FLASH: Put your eyes back in your head Parker! You wouldn't stand a chance in that league! She makes other chicks look like they're off the wall!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #48 PETER: You sure look great wearing your hair that way!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #49 HARRY: Gwen! MJ I feel like I won a raffle!
HARRY (to Gwen) You think I'd let you slip away that easy? Don't make a mov,e pussycat!
AMAZING SPIDERMAN #50 PETER: I'm sorry I asked, pretty girl!
PETER: A fella could sure sail through life with a gal like that to come home to!
FLASH: Yeah, but Gorgeous Gwendolyne is over here! How do I look, dream stuff?
FLASH: You can say that again, gorgeous!
FLASH: Not a chance, doll face!
PETER: Are you doing anything special tonight, pretty girl?
GWEN: Everything I do is special, Mr. Parker (seriously, readers, what more proof do you need?)
PROFESSOR WARREN: You're bringing Miss Stacy? I certainly admire your choice, Mr. Parker
FLASH: Hi gorgeous! I knew you wouldn't keep ol Flasheroo waiting!
PETER: But the most exciting fact is just being with Gwen! how can anyone be so beautiful and also be so -
PETER: She's the first girl who's never asked me for any explanations (A hem, Pete, re-read ASM #42, MJ never asked for any explanations either!)
FLASH: Say, gorgeous, you still with Puny Parker?
PETER: But not half as much as I enjoy seeing Gorgeous GWEN!
PETER: Except that a certain blonde looks more gorgeous than ever!
THE NARRATION (seriously): Goergeous Gwen STacy tearfully, uncomprehendingly stares at the incriminating front page news photo!
PETER: I wasn't expecting a fairy princess!
PETER: Gwendy! You look like a walking centerfold pinup! And in real color too! (thinking) How can I subject this Gorgeous creature to the green Goblin?
(Okay, htat's kind of ironic)
PETER: Don't tell me I've finally found the right words to make Gorgeous Gwendolyne jealous!
PETER: Disapprove of me latching on to the bounciest, brightest, most beautiful blonde in all creation?
RANDOM STUDENT: Okay, beautiful, got any ideas?
THE SHOCKER (seriously) You're in luck, gorgeous.
FLASH: Man, you're a sight for these gal-hungry eyes!
FLASH: Face it, friend, anyone who doesn't make a play for that chick is ready for embalming!
PETER: Boy, she must have taken a double dose of pretty pills tihs morning!
PETER: Hey pretty girl! Guess who?
PETER: Standing next to those paintings, she looks like the only masterpiece in the place!
PETER: For gwen. For hte most wonderful girl I've ever known!
PETER: Gwendy, I don't know how I ever rated a gal like you!

And trust me, there's pleanty more.
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